2008 Woodie Awards
How Media Should Refer to '08 Presidential Candidates
Will Durst: Caglecartoons.com
Issue date: 3/27/08 Section: Opinion
This campaign has been tough, but particularly on members of the media who find themselves stymied when trying to navigate this year's historic candidacy minefield, since all three candidates have proven to be a bit, shall we say, delicate.
Hillary Clinton
Avoid the word "female."
It is sexist to question whether the candidate's alleged marriage is legit, or to say anything about her husband. Positive or negative.
Do not call her "shrill." She is penetrating and sharp; intense, passionate and fervent, but not shrill. Or strident.
Please refrain from referring to the Senator as a witch or anything that rhymes with it.
Do not call her husband an oaf. He is a lummox.
Please do not remark on what the candidate is wearing any more than if she were a man. Especially blue pant- suits.
Barack Obama
Avoid the word "race."
It is racist to question whether the candidate's alleged religion is legit, or to say anything about his minister. Positive or negative.
Do not call Barack Obama "articulate." The candidate is eloquent and coherent; lucid, persuasive and expressive, but not articulate. Or clean.
Please refrain from making comparisons to any other black politicians. Especially Jesse Jackson.
You are requested not to use the words black, brown, white, red, yellow, pink, charcoal, onyx or inky. Ebony and obsidian are OK.
All masculine youths will be referred to as young male children. Similarly, buoys shall henceforth be "floating markers."
John McCain
Avoid the word "old."
It is ageist to question whether the candidate's alleged infidelity is legit, or to say anything about his supposed girlfriend looking exactly like his wife. Just chalk it up to a case of mistaken identity.
You should not call John McCain "prickly." The candidate is penetrating and sharp; intense, passionate and fervent, but not prickly. Neither is he shrill, grouchy, irritable or cantankerous. Or crabby or belligerent. Or grumpy. Or crotchety.
Cindy McCain is the candidate's wife, not his attending nurse.
When referring to a vice president assuming the duties of the presidency, please speak about this happening in the case of incapacitation, not death.
You are requested not to use the words 'getting" and "on" next to each other in a sentence. Or "wizened," "elderly," "coot" or "geezer." "Mature" and "sage-like" are OK.
Hillary Clinton
Avoid the word "female."
It is sexist to question whether the candidate's alleged marriage is legit, or to say anything about her husband. Positive or negative.
Do not call her "shrill." She is penetrating and sharp; intense, passionate and fervent, but not shrill. Or strident.
Please refrain from referring to the Senator as a witch or anything that rhymes with it.
Do not call her husband an oaf. He is a lummox.
Please do not remark on what the candidate is wearing any more than if she were a man. Especially blue pant- suits.
Barack Obama
Avoid the word "race."
It is racist to question whether the candidate's alleged religion is legit, or to say anything about his minister. Positive or negative.
Do not call Barack Obama "articulate." The candidate is eloquent and coherent; lucid, persuasive and expressive, but not articulate. Or clean.
Please refrain from making comparisons to any other black politicians. Especially Jesse Jackson.
You are requested not to use the words black, brown, white, red, yellow, pink, charcoal, onyx or inky. Ebony and obsidian are OK.
All masculine youths will be referred to as young male children. Similarly, buoys shall henceforth be "floating markers."
John McCain
Avoid the word "old."
It is ageist to question whether the candidate's alleged infidelity is legit, or to say anything about his supposed girlfriend looking exactly like his wife. Just chalk it up to a case of mistaken identity.
You should not call John McCain "prickly." The candidate is penetrating and sharp; intense, passionate and fervent, but not prickly. Neither is he shrill, grouchy, irritable or cantankerous. Or crabby or belligerent. Or grumpy. Or crotchety.
Cindy McCain is the candidate's wife, not his attending nurse.
When referring to a vice president assuming the duties of the presidency, please speak about this happening in the case of incapacitation, not death.
You are requested not to use the words 'getting" and "on" next to each other in a sentence. Or "wizened," "elderly," "coot" or "geezer." "Mature" and "sage-like" are OK.
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